


Chloe's Nightmare

by yearning



Series: No means no [2]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Past Brainwashing, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Abuse, Trauma, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 19:55:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9919895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yearning/pseuds/yearning
Summary: Set in Chapter 8 of "Chloe's Revelation".Chloe suffers from dreadful nightmares and flashbacks the night after she reveals her secret to Lucifer.She initially wants to sleep in his guestroom, but she ends up in his bed, telling him the gory details that keep her from getting sleep.This part is not necessary to be able to follow the series, however I suggest to read part 1 for a better understanding of this one-shot!WARNING: This turned out to be more graphic than I expected. Please be careful when you read it!





	

She woke up screaming. She was drenched in sweat but still felt cold, so cold. She fought off the blanket she was wrapped in because it made her feel trapped. Her head throbbed and every move made her nauseous. She needed to get out of this room. Where was she? It wasn’t her own bed she was lying in, and the unfamiliar surroundings began to freak her out. She gasped for breath, her lungs longed for oxygen but this room seemed to lack it. There was no window and no light and she couldn’t catch sight of the door. She was trapped, probably in a cell below ground level and no one would hear her, even if she screamed at the top of her lungs. She started to whimper. _Not again, please, someone, help me!_ , she thought. But she knew no one would come to rescue her.

In fact, it was for the best if no one came so she wouldn’t have to deal with what would happen then… She tried to gulp back a sob but couldn’t abstain, the fear of what was imminent bereaved her of the power over her own body. She knew she should keep quiet to protect herself but the crying fit that rattled her was too much. She crawled into a corner, trying to make herself as small as possible, and to hide as long as possible.

It was too late. Someone opened the door and searched the room for her. The dim light from outside was not enough to make out the person in front of her, but it was definitely a man. Tall and lean, and definitely stronger than her…

The man came closer and kneeled down beside her. Strong hands touched her. She began to panic.

“Stop it. Stop touching me, _pleeeaaase_!” she pleaded. “Stop, stop, stop!” Tears ran down her face and her vision blurred. She tried to push the hands away but they only strengthened the grip.

“Chloe, it’s me. You’re safe. I’m not going to hurt you,” a male voice said.

It sounded familiar and less threatening than she had expected. But she couldn’t think herself safe, nonetheless. She knew some were a lot gentler than others, she still didn’t want to have them around, either. She forced herself further away from the man; futile, for she was already huddled in the corner. He crawled closer and nestled himself beside her, drawing arms around her shoulders and pulling her into a hug. She tried to push him off but he was too strong. He didn’t want to let her go. With all the strength she could muster she bit into the hand that was put around her and had her shoulder at grips.

The man yelped and flinched away, not far but far enough for her to tuck up her legs and kick him in his groin. He squirmed with pain, she must have hit his private parts. Taking advantage of the moment, she crawled away from him and veered towards the door. The room was still unfamiliar so she didn’t find it right away. She scanned the walls until her fingers hit the doorframe. At the point when she turned the knob he flipped the light on. The harsh glare blinded her and made her squint her eyes. She felt his hands on her body again, pulling her close and caressing her back. The touch made her shiver – she knew exactly where this would lead. So she just stood there with tense muscles, clenched fists and squinted eyes, not daring to draw a breath and waited, waited for the inevitable horror that was in store for her.

The time dragged on, seconds became minutes, but nothing happened. He just stood there, embracing her and resting his cheek on her head. Every now and then she heard his soft voice whisper, telling her to calm down and to snap out of it. She didn’t understand what he was trying to do. She was calm, and what was she supposed to snap out of?

She allowed herself to draw in her surroundings and she finally recognised the voice. She took a deep breath and also noticed his familiar scent. Why hadn’t she been able to identify him earlier? Eventually, she acknowledged his embrace and wrapped her arms around his torso. She listened to the steady thuds of his heart and felt her own throbs adjust to his rhythm.

 

 

“Lucifer…,” she whispered after a while when she was sure her voice wouldn’t fail her. She still sounded fragile and exhausted, and she knew he was aware of it, too.

“Welcome back, Detective,” he said, relieved.

“Did I hurt you?” Chloe asked quietly, suddenly being aware of her violent outburst when she had mistaken him as one of her perpetrators in her panic-stricken haze.

“Not really, no,” Lucifer said, shaking his head and stroking her back. He noticed how anxious she still was and was desperate to soothe her.

Chloe, however, was overwhelmed by the physical contact and struggled to get out of his embrace.

“Please, I – you – it’s too much,” she stammered. “I’m going to be sick.”

She barely managed to get away from the tall man before emptying her stomach on the ground, a splatter of vomit on the floor. She fell to her knees, hitting the ground hard, retching even when nothing was left to throw up; unable to bring the nausea under control.

“Go… away,” she gasped; she didn’t want him to see her in such a state.

“Surely not!” Lucifer exclaimed and kneeled beside her. He tucked her hair behind her ears and wiped the sweat from her forehead.

“Why are you crying, Detective?” he asked, bewildered, when he saw tear drops staining her clothes.

“Isn’t that obvious?” she replied in desperation, astonished at his lack of understanding. She had just confused him with an abuser, kicked and bit him and spewed all over his palisander flooring – how can he be so dense and not understand why she was so upset?

Lucifer blinked, a questioning look on his face, and tried to process her resentment. Chloe pinched the bridge of her nose when she saw his forlorn gaze.

“Look, I’m a mess,” she explained. “I can’t distinguish reality from illusion, I hurt you and I make a mockery of myself. I shouldn’t have confided in you. All the memories I stashed away are resurfacing and I can’t deal with it.”

Seeing the tears on her grief-stricken face stung him and he coughed slightly to get rid of the lump in his throat. “You needn’t deal with it all on your own. You must remember that there are people around you who want to help you,” he reasoned with her. “Would it help if you gave voice to your sorrows?”

She shrugged. “Dunno. Never tried it. Besides, I’m not letting you get entangled in my mayhem.”

“You already shared bits and pieces with me,” Lucifer reminded her. “So – try me!” He cocked his head and looked at her encouragingly.

“No. You are troubled enough with your own burdens,” she opposed.

“Is this really about me, or are you scared and try to find an excuse to evade the issue?” he queried.

Chloe remained silent and avoided her partner’s gaze.

 

“Fair enough,” the Devil sighed after a few minutes in silence. “If you don’t want to talk, I won’t push you. May I at least invite you for a cup of tea and a soothing bath? I will mop the floor in the meantime so you can return to a clean room once you’re finished.”

 

 

It took him a while to convince her that he didn’t mind cleaning up and that he would also be delighted to brew her a cup of tea and to run her a bath but eventually, she gave in. Despite the subdued mood, she couldn’t resist to mock him for having a range of dried blossoms and leaves for all sorts of freshly brewed tea. “That’s a new level of Britishness, Sir,” she had snickered and earned a miffy mumble by the tall man who declared that there was nothing wrong with being a member of the bourgeois society. She just rolled her eyes and let him potter around his kitchen.

 

 

Once he was finished with cleaning his spare bedroom, Lucifer retired to his piano and played some pieces until Chloe came out of his bathroom, again dressed in his lounge wear. She looked exhausted, shoulders slumped, her face white as a sheet but her eyes were blood-shot as if she had been crying the whole time. Skittish as a deer, she scanned the room on high alert. Lucifer didn’t dare to move from his piano, for he did not want to startle her. It pained him to see the otherwise tough woman in such a distress, but he also didn’t have a clue how to help her. She finally spotted him and her face lit up in an instant; her feet shuffling, she approached him at his piano and slumped down beside him on the bench.

“Would you play for a little longer?” Chloe asked him after a few minutes in silence.

“With pleasure!” Lucifer smiled and thought hard about what piece he should choose. Would she rather have something slow and soothing or something cheerful? A piece that could make her fall asleep? “Anything you would like to hear in particular?” he asked when he couldn’t decide on what to play.

Chloe shook her head. “No, just… whatever suits your emotions.”

His eyes widened and he raised his eyebrows. He didn’t like emotions, let alone _expressing_ them. Swallowing hard, he tried to understand what kind of feelings seethed inside him. He identified wrath and rancour – Metallica’s “Seek and Destroy” would be adequate for those, but he wasn’t going to reveal how upsetting her revelation and its aftermath were to him. Instead, he kept listening to his inner self.

There was this heart-wrenching feeling that tore his chest apart, numbing his mind, making him unable to understand why the Detective had had to go through such agony. At the same time, he felt empty inside, and his stomach churned when he thought about his Father’s lack of intervention. He could have prevented it! The longer he dwelt on his emotions the stronger they seemed to become, leaving him breathless and agitated. He wasn’t sure what he should call them – despair and sadness, maybe? – but he suddenly knew what to play. He cleared his throat and repositioned himself, then closed his eyes and started to tinkle the first few notes of Beethoven’s _moonlight sonata_.

Chloe recognised the piece straight away and was in awe on how emotionally charged he played it. Lucifer may be blunt when it came to identifying and expressing his emotions verbally, but he definitely had a gift for processing them through music. He repeated the adagio sostenuto twice, each as powerful and momentous as the previous, bringing Chloe to immerse herself in her own state of mind.

The melancholic and gloomy tunes reflected the sorrow and emotional pain she felt, paradoxically being a comfort to her. It contained a great deal of sadness and frustration that she identified herself with, leaving her struck by harsh, raw feelings of unbridled ferocity. Memories of herself flooded her, of the innocent child she was up until that cataclysmic summer almost thirty years ago, of the ordeal she went through and of the suffering that followed the long-lasting abuse.  She remembered how she tried to tell her parents, how she desperately needed someone to believe her, but no one would listen. She also remembered the years of self-destructive and promiscuous behaviour, her unhealthy coping mechanisms, her failed attempts to just forget and move on…

Tears flooded her eyes and there was a massive lump in her throat, causing a cruel feeling of suffocation. She swallowed forcefully and tried to blink away the tears that burnt in her eyes. She bit down on her tongue, trying to suppress the sobs that she could barely hold back – but it was too much. She was tired of pretending everything was fine, of bottling her emotions up, of always being the strong, independent woman who didn’t need someone to confide in, and she was also tired of plastering a smile on her face. She couldn’t choke back anymore, and finally allowed herself to cry. She buried her face in Lucifer’s shoulder, who stopped playing immediately, and wept bitterly.

Lucifer was startled by her sudden outburst, for he intended to get her to calm down, not overwhelmed with emotion! Her fists were tangled in his button-down shirt; her whole body clung onto him as if her life depended on him. He stroke her shaking body and held her firmly while she cried out the loneliness, the isolation and the despair that were buried deeply inside her. She cried for the child that she had been, that she could have been, and for the emotional and physical pain she had to endure when she was so little, fragile and vulnerable.

Lucifer didn’t turn away although he had a hard time dealing with the state of mind the Detective was in, but he also knew that he needed to let her show the full extent of the damage that she had kept a secret for so long. One, for herself, and two, for he needed to know how to proceed once Maze came back with their prey. So he took all of her anguish, rocking her slightly and whispering reassurances in her ear.

 

Chloe couldn’t stop her crying fit for a long time, the emotions washing over her in waves, until she was too drained to cry. Her entire body was worn out and thrust out uncontainable sobs from time to time, mingling with her breathing that came in little hitching gasps. She noticed that Lucifer’s shirt was drenched from her tears, but he didn’t seem to mind. He just kept stroking her back reassuringly and murmured comforting words.

They sat there on his piano bench for a long time, Chloe exhausted from her outburst and Lucifer providing safe refuge for her. When he felt her grow heavy against his side, he realised it was time to get her back to lay down and catch some sleep. He picked her up and moved toward his guest room, but was stopped by a mere whisper from her right before he could turn the door knob.

“Don’t,” she breathed and tightened her grip around his neck. “Please, don’t leave me alone tonight.”

He looked down at her, shattered by the way she begged him, which was so unlike her, and how fragile her voice sounded. He nodded and turned around, aiming for his own bed.

When he laid her down, he didn’t have time to remove his shoes before Chloe pulled him on the bed next to her, a tight grip around his arm und tucking herself under the bed sheets, pulling him as close as possible. Lucifer lay there, sprawled out, almost with his entire weight on top of her, but every time he tried to shift she tightened her grip so he couldn’t move. She used him as a guard that shielded her from the world outside.

“Relax, Chloe,” he whispered when he noticed that she was as taut as before, her muscles tensed up, trembles running through her body and her limbs cold as ice. “I’ve got you. No one will get past me to hurt you. That I will never allow!”

She didn’t answer, but he felt her nod her head. Once again he yearned wistfully for his wings, for they could have provided Chloe with a sense of caring and security, giving her a feeling of protection by his angelic powers.

 

“Can you show me how much you love me?”

“Hmm?” Chloe turned to Lucifer. She had almost dozed off, but his question startled her.

“I didn’t say anything,” the tall man said, perplexed.

“Oh… right. Well – must’ve been dreaming...”

“Go back to sleep, then. I’ll be here when you wake up,” he smiled down at her.

“You know, we should really boost this special bond between us…”

“What are you on about?” Chloe asked exasperated. She just wanted to sleep but Lucifer kept her from doing so.

“Excuse me?” he raised his eyebrows, unable to comprehend what he did wrong.

“Come here, girl, let me show you.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake! There is nothing you need to show me. Just let me catch some sleep already,” she growled.

Suddenly, it dawned on him. “Chloe,” he said sternly. “Chloe, would you look at me, please?”

“WHAT IS IT?” she snapped, wiggling out of his embrace and pushing him away. She stared at him with anger.

“Now, now, girl, no need to be reluctant. Just watch and learn…”

“Chloe, I think you are having a flashback,” he said, concerned.

He watched her intently, the vacant look in her eyes frightened him and he felt useless again; not knowing how to help her made him despise himself. He understood she was trapped within her memories, but he had no idea how to get her back. He slowly moved toward her, trying not to do sudden movements, and stopped right before her. He didn’t dare to touch her yet, still, he wanted to be as close as possible in case she turned violent against her inner demons. Lucifer wasn’t going to let her hurt herself, so he was ready to be on the receiving end of a potential tantrum.

 

 

The blow never came, however. She just kept staring at him, shuddering and unable to pull herself out of her sorrow. Her erratic breathing turned into a choppy wheeze, interspersed with moans of terror and despair.

Lucifer feared that she was going to throw up again, hence he hurried into his bathroom to get a damp cloth and a bucket. He could also finally take off his shoes and jacket, making him a bit more comfortable.

“Please, don’t…,” he heard Chloe whimper.

He shoved the cloth into her hands and kneeled beside her. “Shhh, Chloe, you are safe here. I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispered. “Please, snap out of it.”

Then she blinked.

“Huh?” she looked around in confusion. “What’s happened?”

“You were having a flashback. I didn’t know how to help you, I’m sorry,” Lucifer said in desperation.

“Hmm…”

“Do you think voicing your memories will help?”

“No. Not gonna try it! I told you too much already.”

“Alas! A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. I’m here to listen if you want to give it a try,” he tried to encourage her. “You did get some decent sleep after you opened up to me last night, didn’t you?”

She reluctantly had to admit that he was right. Still, she didn’t want to be a burden to him and she wasn’t even sure she could vocalise all the things that were stuffed in her mind. Biting on her lower lip, she shook her head. “No, I really don’t want to. But thanks…”

There wasn’t much he could do, and since he wasn’t going to argue with her he just nodded and crawled back into his bed. Chloe snuggled into him and dragged the blanket over the both of them, surprising Lucifer with her desire for his closeness. He wrapped his arms around her and held her firmly, her head resting on his chest, both immersed in their own thoughts.

 

 

“You remember what I told you about the first night, when it all started?” she asked all of a sudden, when Lucifer thought she had already fallen asleep again.

“You mean how they made you watch a film to brainwash you?” he asked, a bitter tone in his voice.

“Uh yeah… and the talk they had with me afterwards?”

“Telling you they were happy that you loved them and there was a way to deepen the bond between you?” he ground out. “I doubt I will ever forget, Detective…”

“You know, I didn’t really understand what they meant. What did people do when they loved each other? My parents loved me, they had told me plenty of times, but they didn’t have a lot of time for me. When Dad had a couple of days off we did get to see a lot of fun things, we used to go to beaches, amusement parks and such… But they traveled around with me already, so I didn’t understand what else we could possibly do…”

She trailed off and remained silent for a long time. Lucifer had to control his temper; the Detective once was an innocent child and then all of a sudden the carefree existence that could have laid before her was ripped away from her. He was desperate to learn what she had had to endure, although he wasn’t going to pressure her to reveal more than she could handle right now. He would give her all the time she needed, and once she was ready he would be there for her, and he would engrave her memories in his mind and hold onto them, so that he could figure out how to punish the dregs who robbed her of her precious childhood.

“Lucifer, stop thinking about punishing them, please!” he heard her say. “The expression on your face is worth a thousand words…”

Sighing, he abandoned the thoughts for now and refocused his attention on the woman in his arms again.

“Right… I’m sorry, I just get carried away sometimes,” he apologised. He bit on his lip – did he give her the impression that he couldn’t handle her torments? He wasn’t going to roam around and mindlessly torture everyone who got in the way, but would she know that?

“I promise _I_ won’t go after anyone…” It wasn’t a lie – Maze was doing that for him, and when they were here, he literally wouldn’t have to _go after_ anybody…

“Okay – I believe you,” Chloe finally said. Then, after another pause, she asked, “Would it bother you if I told you a bit more? It just… I can’t stop thinking about it and I think I need to get it off my chest…”

She was ashamed of her neediness, however, she was exhausted, yet she knew she wouldn’t get a wink of sleep. So maybe, maybe he was right and it would help?

“Not by any means, Detective! I told you I want to be there for you.”

“Hmm… thank you,” she whispered. “I do need your word that you won’t do anything stupid after what I’m going to tell you, okay? Please, promise me that!”

“Promise!” he exclaimed, rolling his eyes like she did so often because of him. In all fairness, justified torture wasn’t anything stupid at all!

She snuggled closer into his arms and laid her head back on his chest. Then, after taking a deep breath, she continued, “As I was saying… I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do. Then Trish, her real name was Patricia but in the beginning I couldn’t pronounce her name properly so she let me call her Trish, asked me if I know how my parents showed their love to each other. You know, like kisses, having baths together, those sort of things. And she wanted to know if I understood what sleeping together meant. I said yes, but Billy just snorted and said he doubted that. It wasn’t sleeping in the same bed at the same time, he said. It was being in bed, or sometimes on the couch, the kitchen counter, even the car. But as far away from actually sleeping as possible. I had no freaking idea what he was trying to say, it just didn’t make any sense to me. I mean – I was five years old!”

She paused, trying to regain control over herself since she had grown more and more agitated the more she revealed. Lucifer kept quiet, on the one hand because he didn’t trust his own voice at that moment, and on the other hand because he didn’t know what to say, anyway. It left him speechless how manipulative and intrusive people could be to an innocent child. He now remembered why he never bothered to spend a lot of time with the suicides down in Hell – he had tried to console some of the first victims that had knocked on his gates, but soon he had realised he was better off to just punish their perpetrators in the most inhumane ways possible. He couldn’t – didn’t want to – deal with the agonies of the victims. However, he made sure their time in Hell was as pleasant as possible. A farce, really, for Hell would never be a pleasant place.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard Chloe clear her throat. She raised her voice and continued, “So… since I had no clue what Billy was on about, Trish suggested they’d show me. I should just _sit back and relax_ …  That night was the first time I saw two people sleeping together… it was… scary… frightening… I told Billy to stop because Trish was obviously in pain. But she laughed and said _‘No, sweetie, people also moan when they like things’_ … And then Billy said _‘wow, she is so pure, we have to teach her a lot’_ …”

Chloe clutched Lucifer desperately, her nails gouging painfully into his flesh. It felt like she was trying to crawl inside of him. He was stunned and horrified at the same time that her reminiscences were so vivid that she could recall word for word what they had said. Even her pitch changed depending on who spoke. He closed his eyes when he felt the Hellfire burn in them; he had a hard time composing his earthly looks. Taking deep breaths, he focused on Chloe and rubbed her back to soothe her.

“When they were done they told me to join them on the bed and have some cuddle time. I didn’t want to, they were naked and sweaty and I was scared. Trish got really annoyed and it was the first that I felt threatened by her. She then picked me up and threw me on the bed. Back then I believed that Billy noticed how afraid I was – he told her to calm down and give me some time to get used to it… By now I think they did the “good cop, bad cop” thing, you know, Trish being the mean girl and Billy being sympathetic. But at that time, I was fonder of him so I didn’t really mind when he pulled me into his arms and held me. Trish left us alone for about an hour or so, I don’t remember where she went, and I was happy to have Billy to myself. I didn’t understand what was going on so I asked him what this was all about. He was nice, he soothed me and told me there was nothing to be worried about. What they did was normal and everyone did it. He also said that he would never hurt Trish – or me – and if I heard her moan again it would be because she was having an ‘orgasm’. I didn’t understand that word and when I asked he just said _‘you’ll experience it soon enough, sweetie’_ … He fell asleep soon, and I held onto him, because I trusted him. What a stupid little freak I was!”

“Hey, you were neither stupid, nor a freak!” Lucifer shook his head vehemently. “I can’t imagine how horrible that night must have been for you, but I know you did everything to protect yourself. Please don’t speak of yourself in that way.”

“Yes, I was! Dad told me so many times if I felt threatened I should run away and scream for help. It would be even better to yell “Fire!” to get attention. I did nothing. I just sat there and watched, and then I let him hug me and stroke me and…” Chloe shuddered. Her stomach churned and she tried desperately to swallow down the bile that she felt in her throat.

“Shhhh, relax… Breathe with me. In… and out… in… and out…,” Lucifer repeated those words like a mantra until he felt her heartbeat slow down.

 

 

“Better?” he asked after a while when she started to draw patterns on his torso with her finger.

“Mhmm…,” she nodded. “Thank you. It’s just sooo hard… I can see everything again, I feel it, and… it makes me sick… the smell… the taste…”

“Smell? Taste?” he asked, confused.

“Cum…,” he heard her say in a restraint voice, and he instantly felt nauseous.

“Oh, please, Chloe… don’t tell me they made you…” he couldn’t finish the sentence.

“That they made me lick it off Trish?” she finished for him. “Yes… yes, they did. – Ouch! Lucifer, you are crushing me!”

“Huh, what? Oh… I’m sorry… I’m… I…,” he stammered. He was sick to the stomach; overwhelmed by his emotions, he didn’t know on what to focus – trying not to vomit, trying not to shift into his Devil persona and trying not to squash the woman in his arms was too much to handle at the same time.

“Lucifer, look at me, please!” he heard Chloe say.

He swallowed hard, took a few deep breaths and hoped his eyes didn’t blush crimson. Then, he gingerly looked at her, and as soon as he could make out her face, he shut them again.

“Lucifer,” she gasped. Oh no – no, this couldn’t be happening! He didn’t want her to find out like that.

“I’m sorry, Detective, I really am… I told you I –“ he babbled but Chloe put a finger on his lips.

“Lucifer, please, don’t cry! I didn’t mean to upset you!”

He shouldn’t cry? The Devil seldom cried – the previous night was the first time in aeons, he surely wasn’t doing that again? He touched his face and he felt the wetness in his eyes; tears that he hadn’t even noticed. He was worried sick over his looks that he hadn’t realised he was crying? He scolded himself and cursed the amount of emotions that left him unable to focus.

 

 

“I’m okay,” he finally choked out. “Really – I am just so utterly disgusted by the people who did this to you. And I am so sorry that you had to go through this all by yourself. I’m proud of you for speaking up after all this time!” He pulled her closer and pecked the top of her head.

“It does feel good… somehow… like – it feels less threatening already… or maybe I’m just exhausted and you’ll have to deal with a major meltdown tomorrow…”

“Well, then that’s how it is. It’s not like I haven’t seen you have a breakdown, right?” he smirked.

His remark made Chloe turn scarlet. During the last couple of days she had behaved like a nutcase, a spoilt brat, a lying dumbass – and now she was lying in bed with her co-worker, telling him repugnant bits and pieces from when she was sexually assaulted. And he stayed on her side, listened to the things she needed to get off her chest and even cried for her! She had the urge to tell him how much he meant to her, what a good man he was, and how she hoped he would overcome the belief of being the Devil. However, no words could describe how grateful she was to have him in her life – so she opted for the one thing she knew he would understand…

Propping herself up, she looked deep into his eyes and came closer to his lips… And right before her lips could touch his, she felt his thumb caressing her cheek, coming to a halt when they reached her lips.

“Chloe… I – I don’t think we should go there right now,” he breathed out. He could see the hurt in her eyes, and he knew she had drawn the wrong conclusion. “Please – listen to me – you are not damaged goods to me, or whatever you believe I think of you. You know I would love to sleep with you, I promise I can show you how pleasurable those things can be – I just don’t think this is the right moment. After all what you’ve revealed I don’t want you to feel exploited.”

“I’m not gonna feel exploited if I initiate it, Lucifer!” she ground out. “Really, it IS hard to believe that you actually want to have sex with me!”

“I do… I really do… but I want it to be consensual. And right now I’m afraid that you feel like you have to make restitution.”

She bit her lower lip. There she was again – the mess that she tried to run away from. But he was right, and deep down she knew. The way she acted with him right now was how she always acted when things got too personal.

“I’m sorry…,” she sighed. “I know you are right… I’ve been doing this for a long time. That’s why I don’t want to open up to people anymore… It always ends with me having sex with them…”

“But why would you do that?” he wondered. He never thought she would have such destructive traits.

“Well… for one, I think I need to show myself – and whoever I open up to – that I’m a normal human being, and that I am in fact capable of having sex… and for the other – I guess it’s true… I feel like I have to give back to whomever I talk to… because, you know… I make them feel uncomfortable…”

Lucifer hugged her tightly. “Please, never do that again. This isn’t healthy, and I don’t want you to suffer from more misery than you already do!”

“I try… I really try…,” she bit out. Her eyes suddenly burned and she felt a lump in her throat – she was on the verge of tears again.

“I know, Darling, I know,” he soothed her. “Don’t be angry with yourself. I’ll keep an eye on you, alright?”

Chloe forced herself to smile, however it didn’t reach her eyes. She was grateful for his words, though, and nodded. Maybe he was really someone who could help her? He must have experienced a lot of trauma in his life as well. Still, he had turned out to be a decent human being, the most honest person she had ever met – and also the most annoying – and he really seemed to want to put up with her…

“Sooo… ah – are you going to try to catch some sleep tonight? Or is there more you wish you tell me?”

“Don’t feel like sleeping,” she mumbled. In fact, she was terrified of falling asleep again. She couldn’t bear another nightmare that night. “Not sure if I want to continue, though…”

“Alright. No need to rush it. As I said – whenever you are ready.”

“Why don’t you get some sleep? At least one of us could use some rest,” she wondered.

“Nope, I promised you I’d be looking after you. Besides, I don’t need as much sleep as you humans.”

“As us humans?” Despite the glumness she had to smile and roll her eyes. “You’ll never stop with your Devil thing, will you?”

“Nope.”

“Right… well… Do you think the Devil would be able to listen to some more of my rant?” She knew she shouldn’t play along in his drama, yet she was too drained to give a damn about it.

“He will always listen to what you have to say, Love.”

His words made her feel reassured. She knew she could consider herself lucky with him, however delusional he might be, and for the first time in decades, she actually felt safe. She allowed herself to acknowledge the exhaustion that wore her out. If she closed her eyes, she could fall asleep in an instant. Lucifer’s embrace, his warm body and his steady heartbeat soothed her and made her feel relaxed and comfortable…

 

She woke when she felt him caress her back. It felt nice, his hands were warm and soft.

“Oh, hey, Sweetie, nice to see you awake,” she was greeted. “Are you feeling better?”

She nodded. The sleep she had indeed made her feel a lot better. Looking around, she realised it was still dark outside, the only source of light was a candle on the nightstand. When did he get up to get a candle? She frowned. Something wasn’t right here. She slowly turned around – and stared right into Trish’s green eyes.

Then she jerked up. And screamed, screamed at the top of her lungs…

 

“Chloe, Chloe, please, look at me. It’s not real!” Lucifer was desperate to wake her up, but she just tossed and turned in his arms, turning more and more violent the longer she was trapped in her nightmare.

For about five minutes he kept calling her name, and then, finally, she stilled. Her eyes snapped open, the anguish visible in her pupils, and tried to gain control over her ragged breathing. Her muscles ached, she shivered and felt nauseous.

“Lucifer, I… I think I’m going to be sick,” was all she could grind out before she felt vomit pile up in her throat.

He shoved a bucket in her arms, just in time before she could spew her stomach contents on his silk bedding. She retched and choked on the burning sensation of the gastric acid, and if it hadn’t been for Lucifer she would have fallen over and spilled the foul-smelling liquid in the bucket all over his marble floor.

Tears welled in her eyes. That was so humiliating!

“Here, let me help you,” she heard Lucifer say. She couldn’t look him in the eyes. She felt a bottle of water pushed in her hands, and somehow the bucket had disappeared out of her lap.

“Lucifer?” she yelled with panic, when she noticed that he wasn’t beside her.

“I’m here,” she heard his voice form the bathroom. “I’ll be back in a minute. Just let me quickly clean this up.”

After what felt like an eternity to her, Lucifer finally returned. Chloe’s panic subsided as soon as he crawled into his bed next to her. He studied her, concerned, and asked, “Are you feeling better now?”

Not trusting her voice, she just nodded. The memories had been so vivid, she could have sworn she had smelled the burning candle on the nightstand.

“I can still smell it,” she whispered after a couple of minutes. “There is a burning candle on the nightstand. It smells like strawberries. And there is another kind of smell. Salty, and sweet, and bitter…”

Lucifer was horrified, for he could imagine what scent she described. He braced himself for whatever she was going to reveal…

“Billy is still asleep, and Trish is back. She says she was sorry if I felt threatened by her. She doesn’t intend to scare me, and she wants to make up for it. She wants to have some _girly time_ with me…”

 

_“Come here, Sweetie. We can cuddle, too,” Trish said and pulled the girl closer. She was still naked, her breasts were firm and the nipples hard._

_“Do you want to touch them?” she asked when she followed Chloe’s gaze. The girl shook her head and pulled her tiny hands away._

_“You can do it, Chloe, she really likes it. It gives her a nice feeling,” she heard Billy say behind her. When had he woken up? “And you want her to feel nice, don’t you?”_

_Billy’s arms came around her, taking her hands in his and moving them towards Trish’s breasts._

_“No, please,” Chloe begged. “Mommy said I can’t touch people there.”_

_“Well, she has a point. You can’t just walk around and touch people there out of nowhere,” Billy explained. “But this is different. Trish really wants you to touch her. And if someone wants it, there is nothing wrong with it. You can show her how much you like her…”_

_Trish looked at her encouragingly and then took her hands out of Billy’s. “It’s okay, I’ll show you how to do it.”_

_Trish laid Chloe’s hand down on her right breast and squeezed. “Mmm, I like it. You can twist my nipple. Here, I’ll show you how to do it.”_

 

The words echoed in Chloe’s mind. Even today, almost thirty years later, she felt uneasy when someone said _‘I’ll show you how to do it.’_ She had heard that sentence for years and every time someone said it to her she knew they were going to make her do something she felt uncomfortable with. During that dreadful first night alone she couldn’t count the times they had said those words to her…

 

_“Oh, Billy, my pussy is still so fuckin’ wet,” Trish moaned while she guided Chloe’s hands over her body. “You think you can go another round?”_

_“Sure,” he snickered. “Actually, I was going to show our girl some other tricks. I know how I can get you off quickly.”_

_Chloe didn’t understand half the words that the two adults were saying. Billy moved from his spot behind Chloe – were they finally going to let her go to her room and fall asleep?_

_No – Billy climbed over Chloe and kneeled between Trish’s legs, then pulled them apart and purred, “Hmm… I blew a giant load in ya, didn’t I? Would be a shame if I was the only one to taste it, wouldn’t it?”_

_Trish seemed to understand what he implied, she pushed Chloe’s hand between her legs._

 

“You know, at first I was shocked. I felt sorry for Trish. I actually thought she had wet herself,” Chloe said bitterly.

Lucifer was lost for words. There were just no words that could express the compassion he felt for the Detective.

“Billy laughed when I asked him if Trish was going to get in trouble for weeing herself. ‘ _It’s not pee, my sweet summer child_ ’ – those were his exact words. And then he took my hand and… licked it off… Then he showed me how to ‘ _eat out pussy’_ , but I shouldn’t actually eat – so, no biting, just licking… I almost puked instantly, and I wasn’t able to keep any food down for three days. They didn’t care. They made me watch how to give orgasms with your tongue, and then they slept with each other one more time. They made me stay in bed with them, and they kept saying my name and…”

Eventually, she broke off. It was too much. She held onto Lucifer and cried, she cried for what felt like hours. He wasn’t able to soothe her, so he just rocked her and caressed her, being the bastion of calm that she so desperately needed. Every now and then he whispered sweet nothingness into her ear, but he didn’t know if she was listening to him.

It wasn’t until the first rays of dawn illuminated his penthouse that she finally fell asleep.


End file.
